密波羅 覇 Mitsuhara, S̛u̵̢͟b̨u̧r̵͞͏u҉͠ Sabrina (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
weekendwitch) wrote2021-03-27 05:06 pm
weekendwitch) wrote2021-03-27 05:06 pm
[Journal Post]
... Is it normal for parents to be annoying about asking about money. Especially if your SOs are absolutely loaded with... I think I heard the words trust funds and off-shore bank accounts and stock holdings...?
Because my mother won't stop prying about knowing how she'll be able to use the money Aisling and Katherine have, since you know, marriage.
Because it's.
Exhausting. To have every phone call she and I have swing around to the top.
Ugggh. It's like she's a spoiled brat in a candy store.
And I'd really REALLY rather not deal with her whining about it when I can barely muster the energy to be a person each day anymore.
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It's really just my mom.
My dad's a bit distant, though that's because he's got work as Kaiba Corp's chief Park Ride Safety Inspector they call in across the globe, but he's basically been "You do you, make sure you're happy". (Though I get the sense he's worried about no grand kids since my sister died and you know, me being into girls).
Mom however, I know she doesn't like me being gay, but is only concerned about the money... and...
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I think I'm just drained, and want to spend most of the rest of the day as a (non) human sized doll for Kat to hug.
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I can just keep talking, since it's you,
SisSenpai.Just. Emotionally worn out.
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I feel like something happened and then I missed time and space for a while.
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...
I had a nervous breakdown essentially after Ashley asked her mother to take me off essentially magical anti-depressants/psychotics.
I broke down by trying to perform necromancy and demonology to get my sister back...
And I kinda ripped up a lot my soul trying to do so.
And whatever effects that has... basically...
I think the list of terms used were chronic fatigue, depersonalization, derealization, and some other stuff?
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Necromancy and demonology at the same time? It feels like a "don't mix oil and water" kinda business.
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I... can function. I'm doing modeling still, but mostly I just help my cousins at the Hybrid Research Lab, even if it's just... modeling and holding signs and. Simple things. ... At least the two of them don't treat me as lesser or a money wallet. So I like them as family.
... And yeah. I've been... desperate for years to get my sister back. I'm not even sure why now, that the... depersonalization is giving me... uh, a twisted sense of ability to sort look at that 'objectively'? I realize now what I did was... dumb. Really really stupid and desperate and I'm not sure why I was so eager to hurt myself...
No nevermind I sometimes poke or cut myself to see if bleeding means anything...
Ashley's said she's willing to turn what's left of my sister into a doll if it'd make me happy. Like sort of a robot or person sized toy. I'm. Still thinking about it.
I kind of want to get back at the demon that used me, if Ashley blowing it up with a Ring of Destruction didn't kill it...
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But at least you can function. And maybe that's the best you can hope for, that you have some chance at least to pick up after yourself?
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Yeah. For right now, just being Ash and Kat's trophy wife is... good enough? I... 'want' to aim for more, but right now, just being a pretty face, and having my cousins and Ash and Kat... is good? Enough?
Especially since Ash is trying to bust her ass to recover parts of my 'soul' from the cards I used in the Demonic-Necromantic ritual I was doing. She thinks we might get it back to... 51~52%? Before the wedding?
Also, I think you have your invitation already.
But you are invited.
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I should get a nice outfit, I guess.
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... Do holler if you have any trouble.
We can probably point you at a tailor.
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Seems like something I should put in the effort about, after I was helped so much.